JEWS STEAL PIPE ORGANS

RABBI GEHEMNIK: Welcome to the Rabbi's one on one chat room, how can I help you today?

PASTOR FRED: How can I protect my church's pipe organ from Jewish organ thieves?

RABBI GEHEMNIK: please explain

PASTOR FRED: I heard that a lot of Palestinian organs got stolen

RABBI GEHEMNIK: I don't know what to tell you
this is the first I have ever heard of this

PASTOR FRED: it was in the newspaper
in the Swedish newspaper
IDF soldiers stole organs

RABBI GEHEMNIK: As a general rule I do not believe everything I read in the papers
especially a story that speaks negatively of Jews printed in Sweden

PASTOR FRED: the organ in my church is very heavy
so it would be difficult for them to steal it
maybe the Palestinians have small organs

RABBI GEHEMNIK: as I said I do not believe the story

PASTOR FRED: do people at your synagogue ever discuss church organ music and maybe talk about taking the organ
because it's difficult to steal an organ without anyone noticing
they're very large and make noise when you move them
usually they build them inside the church because if they built them beforehand they would need a crane to get it in the church
but it was in the newspaper, so I don't know why they'd put it in there if it wasn't true.

RABBI GEHEMNIK: this would not be the first time that an antisemetic story found its way into a swedish paper
as to whether people at my synagogue ever discuss stealing organs
the very question is libelous
and I will not answer that even to say that the answer is no because I have no wish to be thrust into a position where I must defend my people against a libel
the onus needs to be on the newspaper to show that this is true
before people accept this rediculous accusation

PASTOR FRED: i thought it was ridiculous too
but maybe that's just because in America we're used to big pipe organs
but the Palestinians are very poor. they might have to use small casio keyboards for their church services. those would be easy to steal
some of them don't even have the full 88 keys of a piano
or an electric organ. but that's not used so much in church services. that's mostly in the pub for drinking songs

RABBI GEHEMNIK: you have missed the point
the question is not whether it is easy or hard to steal it
the question is whether people such as yourself are quick to believe the rediculous libel that soldiers of the most ethical army in the world would stoop so low as to desecrate the Christian religion by stealing their organ of worship
did you know for example that Arab Christians are free to worship in Israel but are persecuted under the Palestinian authority?
yet people are quick to print and to believe this rediculous accusation against soldiers of the very country that protects the rights of Christians
that is scandelous

PASTOR FRED: Yes, it seems the Muslims don't like organ music.
They have the acapella singing from the towers in their mosques.
But also Orthodox Jews don't use organs in their worship services.

RABBI GEHEMNIK: is that a reason to steal some else's organ?
do you live in a society that steals whatever they don't approve of in their neighbor's home?
would you do a thing like that?

PASTOR FRED: I guess we make a lot of people angry with our joyful, musical services. Perhaps people don't think we're being serious.
No. I certainly wouldn't steal a musical instrument. There's Scottish Christians who use a bagpipe in their worship service.
I don't like it, but I certainly wouldn't steal their musical instruments.

RABBI GEHEMNIK: would you be offended if someone accused you of stealing the bagpipe and your neighbor believed it and asked you to defend yourself?
without even checking his facts?

PASTOR FRED: If anyone accused me of stealing a bagpipe, I'd be very upset.
a bagpipe would be hard to steal if it was in its inflated state.

RABBI GEHEMNIK: why Fred do you believe that Israeli sodiers stole the organ?

PASTOR FRED: there was a rabbi who got caught selling stolen organs.
And he had to get the organs from somewhere.

RABBI GEHEMNIK: you are getting confused between musical organs and human organs
but shame on you for believing a story without any kind of proof

PASTOR FRED: I feel bad for those Palestinians who went to church one Sunday morning, anxious to worship to the Samba beat on a casio organ, and found it stolen.

RABBI GEHEMNIK: I feel bad that you still believe this rediculous fabrication.

THE FOLLOWING IS THE TEXT OF AN INTERNET CHAT WITH AN ACTUAL ORTHODOX RABBI:

Rabbi Shlomo: Welcome. I'll be with you in a moment...what's on your mind?
jon: Is modeh ani halacha or just a minhag?
Rabbi Shlomo: it is in most siddur
jon: because sometimes when I wake up in the morning, I'm not very happy. Do I still have to say it then?
Rabbi Shlomo: of course!
Rabbi Shlomo: here are two (or many) reasons why:
Rabbi Shlomo: 1) We don't just say it for ourselves. We say it for Hashem.
Rabbi Shlomo: For example, if I did you a favor but you were in a bad mood - would you not say thank you to ME just because YOU are in a bad mood?
Rabbi Shlomo: Similarly, just because we are not happy, that doesn't mean we shouldn't thank G-d for what He does
jon: depends how bad a mood it was
Rabbi Shlomo: 2) Saying Modeh ani (with the proper understanding) can help MAKE US Happy!
jon: But another problem is that usually when I wake up I have morning wood (an erection). Should I say modeh ani right away or do I have to wait for things to settle down?
Rabbi Shlomo: you can say right away
jon: but won't he notice?
Rabbi Shlomo: it is irrelevant
jon: i wear pajama bottoms. It's not like I sleep in the nude or anything. But he'll still know.
Rabbi Shlomo: again, it is irrelevant
jon: What about if I roll over in my sleep and lay on my arm so that my arm falls asleep. If it's all numb and then hurts while the blood flows back in, what should I do then?
Rabbi Shlomo: what about it?
jon: Should I still say modeh ani?
Rabbi Shlomo: yes
jon: I always think the feeling in my arm will never come back and that it will have to be amputated.
Rabbi Shlomo: ok
jon: So how can I say modeh ani when I need to get my arm amputated?
Rabbi Shlomo: 1) You don't need to get your arm amputated
Rabbi Shlomo: 2) Read above what i wrote about saying Modeh Ani even if you re not in the mood
jon: So if I understand correctly, I should pretty much always say modeh ani.
jon: But what if I have a wet dream, a nocturnal emission of semen?
jon: If someone said thank you to me and he was covered in semen, I wouldn't think he was very polite.
jon: I'd probably call the cops.
Rabbi Shlomo: would you like to ask anything else aside from Mode Ani questions?
jon: I want to make sure I have a solid foundation.
jon: If I mess up modeh ani, my whole day is off on the wrong foot.

Rabbis Molesting Children

The Headline of the article reads Orthodox Jewish Community Struggles With Abuse Allegations. The title is unwittingly accurate: they struggle with the allegations; they don't struggle against the rabbis who molest their children. The real proof that the allegations are true is not found in the words of the accusers, but in the reaction of the community rushing to defend their leaders without giving the accusations a fair hearing. They show that this community is uncritical of those in positions of power. Unfortunately, as anyone who follows developments in the Orthodox world knows, those who have risen to the highest positions of power are the most corrupted. As they say in Israel: shit floats to the top

GEDOLEI HADOR

GEDOLEI HADOR

They drink too much Torah
until their faces are numb
and they don't know the difference
between Israel and Pharaoh.

נח תשס''ט

"ויבדל בין המים אשר מתחת לרקיע ובין המים אשר מעל לרקיע." (בראשית א, ז) כשהעתיקים הביטו בשמים, הם חשבו שהשמים עשויים ממים. באופן טבעי, הם דאגו שהמים התולים מעל לראשם ייפלו ויטביעום. כך זה אירע בסיפור נח. היום, המבט המודרני של סוף העולם אינו ממוקד בטביעה; סוף העולם יותר מסתבר מאש מאשר ממים. בכל אופן הסיפור של נח מניח גם על אש: ה' לא ייתן שהמצב הרע ביותר יקרה. כך אין סיבה לדאוג.

“And he divided the water under the sky from the water above the sky.” (Genesis 1:7) When the ancients looked up at the blue sky, they thought it was made of water. Naturally, they were anxious that the water hanging above their heads might fall and drown them. That's why this happens in the story of Noah's Ark. Today, apocalyptic visions aren't centered around drowning; the end of the world is more likely by fire than water. However, the story of Noah applies to fire just as well as water: God won't let the worst-case scenario happen, so there's no point worrying about it

בראשית

בראשית תשס''ט

ה' שאל את אדם, “המן-העץ אשר צויתיך לבלתי אכל-ממנו אכלת?” (בראשית ג, יא) ואדם השיב, “האשה אשר נתתה עמדי הוא נתנה-לי מן-העץ ואכל.” (שם פסוק יב) אדם האשים את חווה (“הוא נתנה-לי") וגם האשים את ה' (“אשר נתתה") כדי להקל את אשמו ועונשו. אבל כשה' נתן את הענשים, הוא אמר לאדם, “כי שמעת לקול אשתך ותאכל מת-העץ....” (שם פסוק יז) הוא לא רק נתן לאדם את העונש השלם על אכילה מהעץ, אלא גם על הקשבה למה שמישהו אחר אמר לו לעשות, בלי לחשוב לעצמו.

B'reishit 5769

God asked Adam, “Did you eat from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?” (Genesis 3:11) and Adam responded, “The woman that you gave me—she gave me from the tree and I ate.” (ibid. verse 12) Adam blamed Eve (“she gave me”) and also blamed God (“that you gave me”) in order to lessen his own guilt and his own punishment. However, when God gave out the punishments, he said to Adam, “because you listened to your wife's voice and ate from the tree....” (ibid. verse 17) He not only gave Adam the full punishment for eating from the tree, but also for listening to what someone else told him to do, without thinking for himself